Yo, Sassy: Should I have an affair with a married man? ? The Full ...

Yo, Sassy: Your local, no holds barred therapist*. Hold on tight.

Dear Sassy,

Our six-year old falls asleep in our bed every night. My husband hates it, but I think it?s good for our son. How should I handle it?

I truly hope you have a Cal-King sized bed; I?m restless just thinking about it. Listen, I?m not here to argue the merits of co-sleeping, The Family Bed, or any of that Dr. Sears, 70s, ?joyful granola snuggling?? stuff ? just like I wouldn?t dare pipe in on breastfeeding. They?re your boobs. Cracked nipples are your God-given right.

But most experts agree that the very latest age to call it a day on sharing your nights is age six. The majority of co-sleeping parents transition their kids around age three. I mean, they are big, cover-kicking space-suckers. The co-sleeping advantage is generally better sleep for infants and ease of breastfeeding.

After that developmental stage, you have to ask yourself what you are getting out of the arrangement. Age six is a time for independence and growth, not cuddling mommy. What you have smack in the middle of you and your husband is one rather large intimacy block. I didn?t say sex, I said intimacy. Unless you two are having a rockin? time in the closet, I?m betting that suffers, too. Your husband is right ? it?s transition time, sister. Your boy is ready. Are you?

?

Dear Sassy,
I?m single. Is it wrong to have an affair with a married man if he?s unhappy in his marriage?

Baaahaaa! If you?re writing this, let?s get honest ? you already are having an affair. Maybe you?re not bumping uglies, but certainly the emotional relationship is in place if ?Mr. Married? is confiding how ?unhappy? he is in his marriage.

I?m going to come at you from a place of zero judgment because 1) I?m a therapist and that?s what we do, and 2) most of us have danced some version of this tango. I can also sympathize with the fact that some marriages don?t work. People get married young, fall in and out of love, change, grow, have kids that run screaming down paint-covered walls biting people. Money, careers, in-laws ? there is a cornucopia of reasons marriages don?t stick. These things happen. If he and his wife fell out of love, I would sympathize with that and wish him well moving on.

That being said, there is no scenario in which dating a still-married man is a positive action for you. Barring that perfect exception of a man (cue every bullsh*t Rom-Com or Intervention) trapped in a hostile relationship where his wife beats him, or has cancer, or whatever, and he just can?t leave, you are not going to be the one sailing into the sunset with him. Here is what generally happens: He won?t leave his wife for you. Will not. His cheating shows you how he responds to things in his life he doesn?t like, and sister, you could be next.

Sneaking around and hiding is exhausting. You think you?re busy now? Add ?mistress? to your job description. Remember, America?s sweetheart is not Brangelina, it?s Jen Aniston. He?s not only having his cake, but he?s stolen every piece at the party and eating that, too. Relationships born from adultery survive at a rate of less than 5%. You have better odds of being California?s next Super Lotto winner.

Your time is valuable and precious. Respect yourself and devote your attention to a man that is available and worthy of your affection.

?

Got a burning question for Yo, Sassy? Email her at asksassy@thefullmoxie.com.

Note: The columns and other materials included in ?Yo, Sassy? are presented for informational purposes only in the areas of relationships, social commentary and humor. The content is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, personal therapy or other treatment. If you have any questions regarding the content posted in this column, you are advised to seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health provider.

*Sassy is a therapist, just not your therapist. Don?t get attached. Clingy people make her claustrophobic.

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